About Pray for a Mate™...

In my 30 plus years of ministering to single adults, I have found one major thing common to 95% of them—the desire to be married or married again. From conferences to retreats, articles and interviews, the subject continuously comes up.

I hear questions like:
“Do you think I am meant to be married?”
“Is there such a thing as ‘the one’?”
“Why hasn’t God brought me the man/woman of my dreams?”
“Why does it seem everyone I know is getting married, except me?"

As with all of these questions, I can only send them to the one source who knows the answers and that is Jesus Christ. But saying this doesn’t always communicate to an action or a direction.

​Okay, so you go to the Lord but then what? Well, they would say they have gone to the Lord but what I found was they would gripe, cry and fuss at Him. Few were serious in their purpose when it came to praying. Few were serious when it came to listening and as a result, changing. 
 
THE CHURCH AND SINGLENESS
​For the last two decades, many of my fellow ministers to singles and I have seen the decline of the church’s efforts to minister to single adults. While the singles population is now over 54 percent in the United States, with most being never-marrieds, churches are not making an effort to reach us. The focus more than ever seems to be on the family. 
 
But what churches don’t understand is the family starts with two single adults. Suppose the church would spend time reaching singles, helping them in their identity in Christ, personal growth, developing healthy friendships, and offering Bible studies and counseling for marriage. In that case, the greater success of our future marriages and families will be. 

We can’t keep hiding behind youth programs and a pro-family focus and hope healthy marriages will just happen. The church needs to help single adults meet each other in a healthy way, directing them toward godly friendships and teaching them the principles of courtship and marriage preparation. Otherwise, they will find other ways to find a spouse, often outside the church and, possibly, with someone who isn’t a believer.

Although not all single adults will get married, many due to their fears and issues, I do believe in marriage, and I believe God still brings people together. I have been praying for a solution to bring singles ministry back into the church with that in mind.

Singles ministry, in general, takes a lot of work. You have to build a team of leaders, offer training, meet regularly, plan, pray, and do. Because of the work involved and so many pastors being fearful that members might “hook-up,” churches have stopped having a singles ministry.

Also, we are still seeing more women than men in the church. As a result, most singles ministries are started by women. Unfortunately, groups led solely by women only grow other women. The team has to include men. Without this pairing of the sexes, your ministry will often fail. In addition, we are seeing a lot of singles ministries focused on social events rather than on teaching the Word of God.

Another problem comes when leaders who don’t find a team to share the responsibilities with get burned out, resulting in a failed ministry.
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So, what do we do? How do we bring a singles ministry back into the church and have it be successful? And how can we do it if we are limited in finding men to help? What about resources and support? 
 
SOLUTION: Pray for a Mate™
While spending time in the United Kingdom doing ministry, I came upon a wonderful lady who shared with me something amazing. She had gone to her pastor and asked about doing a singles ministry at her church. Again, due to past experiences of what singles ministries could become, he said no. She then prayed and went back and asked if she could have a “prayer group for those who wanted to be married.” (Remember, 95 percent of all singles want to be married—maybe not this minute but eventually). She didn’t say anything about singles or ministry, but she did use two keywords that most churches care about: marriage and prayer. They agreed and even offered her the space to meet.

She quickly gathered her team of friends—some married and some single—and they started meeting to pray, unsure what God would do. That small group turned into a larger one, and before long, they were meeting each month. From the start, they only allowed women to come as they had enough men. They also created a structure that appealed mainly to serious prayer warriors.

The results were amazing. They saw lives changed; individuals found healing, some developed amazing friendships, and others even married. It’s now been over a year, and they are up to eighty men and eighty women. And it hit me—with a few slight changes, this could work in the U.S.

I realize not all singles would want to come to church to pray for a mate. Some might even get upset if this was the only activity their church offered singles. But if a church only has this, it’s still better than nothing. This program has the potential to lead to something. It’s certainly worth trying and making the investment. And the result? Healthier people who become healthier followers of Christ. 

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About Kris Swiatocho, Founder and Director

Vivacious. Knowledgeable. Passionate. That's Kris Swiatocho, Director of Kris Swiatocho Ministries and The Singles Network Ministries. Kris has served in ministry all over the world in various capacities for the last 30 years. An accomplished trainer/mentor author, Kris has a heart to reach and grow people so they will in turn reach and grow others.
 
If you've ever heard her speak, you know that Kris is the kind of speaker that keeps the crowd captivated, shares great information, and motivates people to make a difference in the lives of those around them!

[Kris is a graduate of North Carolina State University with a bachelor's degree in Environmental Design/Visual Design. She has also received graduate training at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary as well as an affiliate staff member with Campus Crusade for Christ.]

Kris has written articles for or been featured in:
> Pastors.com
> Crosswalk.com
> SingleMatters.com
> Lifeway: HomeLife
> San Antonio based: SAWorship
> Overwhelmed Online Magazine
> www.kcro.com
> Focus on the Family
> Christianity Today
> Open the Word
​> Lifeway's "Christian Single"
> The Raleigh World newspaper
> Baptist General Convention of Texas Website
> Columbia Star News
> Cook Publishing: SAM Journal
> Living Solo Magazine
> Southern Gospel News

Kris is also the author of 6 books/Bible studies available in her store: 
> Intentional Relationships for Singles, co-author with Pastor Dan Houk
> From the Manger to the Cross, The Women in Jesus's Life
> Jesus, Single Like Me Bible study with Leaders guide and study questions 
> 31 Day Experiment: Singles and Relationships co-authored with Dick Purnell of Single Life Resources.
> Everyone Knows a Single Adult: The FAQs of Singles Ministry co-authored with Dennis Franck.
> Walk the Line
> Leaders That Last Curriculum
> DVD/study: Emerge for Single Mom's

For more information church development, go to www.KrisSwiatochoMinistries.org; for more information on how to start, develop and grow a singles ministry, go to www.TheSinglesNetwork.org. 

To contact Kris to speak or conduct training at your church, call 919.434.3611 or swiatocho@gmail.com.

Know Jesus? Find out more here!

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