What is the content/prayer structure for Pray for a Mate™ meetings?

If you decide to go with a twelve-month structure, each one and a half hours of prayer can be varied. Below is a suggested plan you can use or develop depending on your group.
 
Every Meeting:

1. State your goals and why you started this prayer group.
2. Give the biblical definition of marriage.
3. Include a set of guidelines in your handout or said verbally. Download sample.
4. Share the importance of personal growth in the Lord as a basis for success of attending this prayer group.
5. Have attendees write down any additional areas beyond the personal profile they want to see prayed about as an individual, one-on-one, small group, large group, for the future, etc. (You can take up this list for future ideas/themes to pray about.) 
6. Present a devotional*, Scripture, or theme that leads into prayer. For example, if you were teaching what love is, you could share the scripture in 1 Corinthians 13, showing a video clip or have someone read the scripture, or share some specific points from that scripture. Options: You can also change the format, having attendees pray in a large group, then in small groups, then all males and all females, etc. When praying in groups, it is not required that everyone pray out loud. However, you do need to make sure at least one person in each group can. To help teach people how to pray aloud, encourage everyone to write down each other's answers and then read them aloud during prayer time. 
   
   Optional: Assign homework, select prayer partners, or plan additional get-togethers, bring in married couples to share testimonies or help prayer, Q&A with married, former married/widowed, engaged, dating couples, for example.
   
   ​Note: The prayer groups that are the strongest are doing a Bible study the other three weeks. We suggest using one like "Singles & Relationships," which gives you 31 relational topics that you can use as your prayer themes each month. You can order your copy here. 

Sample devotionals you are welcome to use:
• Guidelines to include in all meetings
• Love is...by Kris Swiatocho
• Differences Between Men and Women by Kris Swiatocho
• Freedom in Forgiveness by Kris Swiatocho
• Freedom in Forgivenss by Alison Davies, UK
• Fear or Not to Fear by Kris Swiatocho
• Forgiveness by Lisa Jackson
• Self-Acceptance by Lisa Jackson
• Characteristics of Marriage by Kris Swiatocho
• Encouragement by Lisa Jackson
​• Dating 101 by Lisa Jackson
​• Identity Theft by Lisa Jackson and Kris Swiatocho
• Raising Standards by Zane Reavis
• Negative Thoughts by Lisa Jackson

Ideas for Monthly Themes
Note: Be sure to go to www.TheSinglesNetwork.org for videos, books, and articles related to dating, marriage, relationships, etc. Another great resource/link, click here.
1. What Does God Say about Marriage?

• Biblical definition of marriage: The Bible Defines Marriage as a Covenant. God sketched his original plan for marriage in Genesis 2:24 when one man (Adam) and one woman (Eve) united together to become one flesh. In Malachi 2:14, marriage is described as is a holy covenant before God.
• Our roles as men and women in marriage. 1 Corinthians 11:3:3 But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. Ephesians 5:22-30 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.  In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—  for we are members of his body.
• What about being equally yoked? 2 Corinthians 6:14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
• What is marriage supposed to look like based on the Bible? (New resource, video by Pastor Chris Brown, North Coast Church, Vista, CA, "Marriage series, Sept 17, 2017)
• What makes a marriage, distinctively Christian?
• How to prepare myself to be married; what are my priorities?
• How to prepare you heart for marriage
• What does God say about love?  1 Corinthians 13
• What does God say about commitment, conflict resolution, unity? Commitment: Ruth 1:16-17 But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried.May the Lord do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you.” Conflict: Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Unity: Ephesians 4:1-6 As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.
• What does God saying about my personal relationship with him before marriage? Ephesians 4:17-32
  
  

2. What’s Keeping You from Getting Married? 

Fear of change: Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

• What if she/he changes? 
• What if I have to move to their home city or vice versa?
• What if they expect me to change?
• What if I can’t change?
• What if they want me to quit my job?
• What if I am set too much in my ways?
• What if they want me to get rid of my stuff?
• What if they want to control the TV? Music? Car? Side of the bed?

Fear of Failure: Ecclesiastes 3:1 There is a time for everything,​ ​and a season for every activity under the heavens:

• What if it doesn’t work out?
• What if we can’t communicate?
• What if we don’t get a long?
• What if they aren’t willing to put in the effort to make it work?

Fear of Rejection: 2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

• What if after we are married, the real person comes out and they don't like me?
• What if the reason they originally fell in love with me eventually turns them away?
• What if they reject my family? Friends?
• What if they reject my job/ministry/hobbies?

Fear of Taking Care of Them (or their kids): Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 
For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

• What if God has me marry someone older and I have to take care of him/her?
• What if I marry someone who is handicapped?
• What if he/she gets sick?
• What if he/she has chronic health issues?
• What if he/she has a sick parent who moves in with us?
• What if their ex doesn't pay child support?

3. The Enemy: Ephesians 6:11-17

• Attacks and how to handle them
• Discerning if it is the enemy
• Where and how to bind the enemy
• Protection for the future

4. What about Family/Extended Family? Ephesians 3:20-21  Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

• Expectations of family
• Accountability of family
• Blending in kids/extended family
• Family moving back in (boomerang kids and the sandwich generation)
• Spending holidays/vacations with relatives or on our own
• What are our new family rituals going to be?
• Having kids and/or raising grandkids
• How often children should visit if they don't live with you?
• Dating with kids/marrying with kids/discipline/roles/in-laws

5. What about Our Career/School? Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

• What if they want me to give up my career?
• What about staying home to raise children?
• What about going to school while married?
• Deciding about debt and education (hers, his and kids)

6. How Do I Pick a Mate? Philippians 4:6-8 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

• How do I know who to choose?
• What qualities have I been looking for?
• What qualities does God say I should look for?
• Should I pursue as woman or is pursuit a man's job?
• How long should we be friends first before dating?
• How long should we date before either breaking it off or making marriage commitment?
• When should I let my/our kids know we are dating or getting married?
• When is it proper to kiss or hold hands?
• Whom should we/I be accountable to?
• How long should we be engaged?
• How involved should my family be?
• Should I go on vacations with my boyfriend/girlfriend?
• Is it OK to spend the night together? 1 Corinthians 10:13  No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.
• How much touch is too much touch?

7. What about Budgeting? Romans 13:7-8 Give to everyone what you owe them: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor. Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law.

• How to set up a budget
• Paying off past bills or debts before you say I do
• How much money do I need to get married?
• What if we spend money differently?
• Should we have a combined checking account?
• What if one of us loses our job?
• What about a savings account?
• What about credit cards?
• Spending habits?
• Who should pay for the wedding and what part? Who should buy the ring?

8. Assets: Isaiah 43:19 See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness
    and streams in the wasteland.

• What if I own property or have other assets?
• Should I set up a pre-nuptial agreement?
• Should we stay in one of our current homes or move to a new one?
• What about family land/property/jewelry?
• Inheritance, if there are kids from previous relationship?

9. The Past: 1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

• What about prior relationships (no pyscho-ex please)
• What about past sin/struggles?
• What about past abuse and the need for counseling?
• What about unresolved relationships or relationships that need reconciliation?
• What about unresolved hurts/issues?
• What if I’m dating someone who’s been arrested or even spent time in jail?
• What if their family’s past affects our present?

10. Online Dating: Romans 8:24-30 For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.  And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

• Is it okay for a Christian?
• When and how to online date?
• Who should be involved in the search?
• What is the right way to date online?
• What are the right questions to ask?
• What areas of concerns should I have?
• When should I quit online dating?

11. Addictions: 1 Corinthians 6:12 “I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but I will not be mastered by anything.

• What if one of us struggles with some kind of addiction?
• What addictions are deal breakers?
• What about getting help?

12. Church Membership/Serving God: 2 Corinthians 6:14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?

• What about different beliefs?
• What about the same beliefs but different church denominations?
• What about the same denomination but variation in maturity?
• Their testimony/how they came to know the Lord
• How often do they attend church?
• Expectations of the future/children
• Tithing—how much, how often and whose money?

13. Community Service/Hobbies: Hebrews 6:10 God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them.

• What areas do we serve in and why?
• How much time volunteering is enough?
• How much money and resources should be used?
• What are some projects we can do together?
• What are some hobbies that could affect our relationship in a bad way?

14. Sex/Intimacy: Romans 12:1-2 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

• The importance of waiting to have sex
• What does God say about sex/intimacy?
• When to touch; where to touch; appropriateness
• Hugging, kissing
• Accountability
• What if he/she rejects me
• Overcoming past sexual relationships
• Overcoming past sexual sin; abortion; abuse, STDs
• Is masturbation ok before marriage and after?
• The perils of cohabitation
• Proper relationships with friends of the opposite sex when you’re dating

Note: A great series of articles on sexuality is on Boundless, check out this link.

15. Self-esteem: 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

• How do I really feel about myself?
• Do I understand who God says I am?
• What are the truths about my identity?
• What areas of my self-esteem do I struggle with?
• When should I get help?

16. Counseling: Proverbs 19:20-21 Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise. Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.

• What type of counseling is good before marriage?
• How do I know if I need to get counseling before marriage, before dating?
• When should I get counseling in marriage? Should/Could my counselor be a member of the opposite sex?
• How much should I involve family and friends in my counseling?
• How do I know which areas I need help in?

17. Dating/Courtship: 1 Timothy 5; Romans 13-14

• What should dating/courtship look like?
• What is missionary dating?
• How to ask someone out?
• When I do ask someone out, what is the next step?
• What does a dating couple look like?
• How often should we have a Determine The Relationship (DTR) talk?
• How long should we date before we discuss marriage?
• How long should we date before we say, “I love you”?
• Who should we involve in our relationships?
• How do I know he/she is “the one you should marry”?
• How important is it to have another couple to mentor us?

18. Trust Issues: Psalm 118:6 The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?

• Dealing with previous betrayal
• How to handle seeing the end of my parents’ or close friends’ marriages
• Acceptances of current issues—health, disease, job/income, debt, home
• Secrecy
• How much should I share about my past, my family history and other issues?

19. Communication: James 1:9 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,...

• How and when to communicate
• Conflict resolution
• Setting aside time to resolve/discuss
• Fighting—what is healthy?

20. Praying for Each Other: James 5:16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

• When and how often to pray
• What kinds of prayers to focus on
• Praying together—when and where
• Who should be praying for us and/or with us?

21. Chores/Household Responsibilities: Romans 12:6-8 We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith;  if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead,[b] do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.

• Who does what? Define house responsibilities?
• How often to clean; how to clean
• His versus hers ways of doing things ie Toilet seats up or down
• What to do when we have different ways of doing things
• Cooking styles; when and how often to eat
• Handling diverse shopping styles and/or living styles

22. Health: 1 Corinthians 6:19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;  you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

• Taking care of myself
• Exercise; how often
• Food choices
• Gym memberships

23. Friendship: Job 2:11 When Job’s three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him.

• What does a friendship look like?
• Same sex and opposite sex friends
• Character traits of a great friend
• When friendships change in regards to future marriage
• How much time should we spend with friends?
• Can an ex be a friend?

24. Becoming the Right Person to Marry the Right Person: Psalm 32:3-5 When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy on me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord.” And you forgave the guilt of my sin.

• What does this look like?
• What are some areas we should work on now?
• When should we get some counseling to help in this area? 

25. Marriage 101

• What does Christian marriage look like? (see above)
• Reality vs. fairy tale
• Past marriage—what did you learn?
• What we can learn from the perspective of existing couples
• Marriage mentors
• What do I wish I had known?
• Ways to pray for your wife and ways to pray for your husband once we’re engaged and during the first year of marriage

26. What Are Your Deal Breakers?

• They have kids
• They don't have a college degree; enough education
• Married before
• Not a believer; go to church
• They are not working; right occupation
• Physical attributes
• Personal hygiene
• How organized; tidy
• Management of their finances
• What they like to do for fun
• Criminal background

27. What am I looking for in a spouse? 
28. Do I understand the differences in the opposite sex? 
29. What are my expectations?